アンガーマネジメント【４】

メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。

適切な感情コントロールやコミュニケーションスキル（アンガーマネジメント、アサーション）を身につけることは、相互理解が深まるだけでなく、健全なコミュニケーションが社内の風通しを良くし、モチベーションアップや生産性にも関係してきます。

わかってはいるけど、どう手をつけたらいいのかわからない、まず役員から取り組んでみたい、もっと社員皆に知ってもらいたい、よりパーソナルに取り組みたい・・・など、さまざまな理由でいろいろな企業や個人からの要望や相談があり、カウセリングだけではなく研修会、スキルトレーニングの機会も増えてきました。

アンガーマネジメントは、何より“あなた自身”のメンタルヘルスを守り、ストレスになりやすい人間関係の根元改善に役立ちます。

本を読んで「そうか、わかった」、一度だけの研修会で「できるできる」と思っていても、実際は一人で努力をしてもフィードバックが上手くいかず、途中で「面倒くさい」「無理無理、できない」と放り出してしまう人も多いので、研修会だけではなく個人個人がどう取り組んでいるのかをフィードバックしていくことが有効です。

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怒りの種類には問題となる４つの怒りがあります。

  • 強度が強い➡︎わずかな出来事でも激昂する、強く怒り過ぎる（事柄に対し不必要な強さの怒り）。
  • 持続性がある➡︎ 思い出して怒る、根に持つ。
  • 頻度が高い➡︎カチンとくることが多く、しょっちゅうイライラする。
  • 攻撃性がある➡︎自分や他者を傷つけたりモノを壊す（モノに当たる）。

直近１週間で、このような怒りはありませんか？

自分の怒りを客観的に見るために視覚化してみましょう。

また、自分の怒りをどう思うかを他者に聞いて照らし合わせてみましょう。

氷山モデルで考えると、怒りは第二次感情（氷山の見えている上の部分）です。

下にある見えない表に現れない部分が第一次感情で、それらは“不安”、“苦しい”、“嫌悪”、“心配”、“寂しい”、“後悔”、“虚しい”、“辛い”などの一次感情です。

怒りを伝える時に、第二次感情でぶつけるのではなく、第一次感情で説明します。そのためには、自分の怒りにある隠された第一次感情を理解する必要があるのです。

怒りという強い衝動をコントロールするには最初の６秒がとても大切です。瞬間的に怒る“反射”は絶対にＮＧです。

最初の強い怒りが持続するのは長くても６秒と言われているので、この６秒を無事に（？）やり過ごすことができれば怒ってはいても瞬間的に反射せず、かなり冷静になります。

６からカウントダウンで数字を数えるでもよし、例えばリンゴやバナナを思い浮かべ、それを頭の中で数えても、池のアヒルでも、目の前のボールペンでも構いません。

まず６秒を意識してください。

怒り沸騰中の６秒は案外長く感じるものですが、この６秒が最初にトレーニングする要となる部分になります。

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＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞

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