メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。
気持ちとは正反対の行動を取ってしまうことを、心理学では【反動形成】といいます。
わかりやすいのが『辛い(悲しい)けど、人前では明るく振る舞わなきゃ』『本当は嫌いだけど仲良いフリをしてしまう』←子供関係が絡むと本当によくあるようです。・・・などです。
反動形成はフロイトが提唱した防衛規制という概念で、“自分自身の受け入れたくない(受け入れ難い)感情や衝動を隠すために本心とは正反対の行動を取る”ことで、心の安全装置を働かせるのです。
「悲しみや辛さなど落ち込んだ姿を見せるのは良くない(心配させる/嫌な気持ちにさせてしまう・・・などから)、明るくしてなきゃ」という、弱っていたり落ち込むことに否定的な気持ちが強すぎることが、ネガティブな態度を表すことに対して不安や恐れという感情と結び付きます。そんなネガティブな気持ちを和らげる無意識な行動が、本心と正反対の行動になります。
この【反動形成】、実は悪いことだけではないのです。
会社、私生活と私たちはさまざまな人間関係の中で日常生活を営んでいます。果たして、その場面場面でいつも行動と本心が一致しているでしょうか?自分の思いどおりの生き方をしている人のほうが少ないはずです。
無人島で誰とも交わらず気ままな独り生活を送っているのでもなければ、どのようなカタチであれ人間関係が発生します。
人間関係を円滑に送るために無意識に私たちは反動形成をおこなっており、それが結果として自分の立場や心を守ってもいるのです。
だからと言って、四六時中気持ちと行動が正反対だと、それはそれで凄まじいストレスですよね。心には許容範囲があるので、反動形成だらけの状態が長く続くと、生きづらさを感じたり、さまざまな精神疾患を引き起こすことにも繋がります。
◇
両面ある反動形成のどちらかにも偏らず、上手く付き合っていくにはどうすればいいでしょうか。
そのポイントは、
今の自分の気持ちに目を向ける
ことです。ここで大切なのは、“自分の本心”だけでなく、“それを否定している自分”や“思い込み”という隠された本心にも気づくことです。
「なぜ好きでもない先輩の飲みに付き合うのか?」→そこには「好きじゃない(嫌いだ)」という本心と、仕事を教わっている立場だし、先輩に嫌われると仕事がやりづらくなる、という隠れたもう一つの本心があります。
「なぜ何とも思ってないのに優しい素振りをしてしまうのか」には「どうでもいい」と思っている本心と、冷たい人だと思われたくない、独りぼっちになりたくない、というもう一つの隠された本心があります。
肯定的な気持ち、否定的な気持ち、その両方に気づき『私にはそんな気持ちがあるんだな』をそのまま受け止めていくことが大切です。
“今ここ”に気づき、受け止めていくのにマインドフルネスがとても有効です。
マインドフルネスもコツがあり練習も必要ですが、しなやかで柔軟性のあるメンタルを目指すという点では【アサーション】【アンガーマネジメント】【マインドフルネス】がこれからの人間関係のカギになっていくのではないかと思っています。
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<運営会社:Jiyuuku Inc.>
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