この夏、蝉に思う

メタ認知のシリーズの途中ですが、ちょっとブレイク。メンタル・イデア・ラボ、ＡＥのスミです。

８月も終盤になってきました。学校は今週から２学期が始まるところが多いようです。私が子供の頃はちゃんと９月からでしたが、いつの間にか８月下旬からになっていたのは少々驚きでした。

世の中は未だにコロナに翻弄されています。私もこの時期一番美味いビールが店で飲めなくなって難儀している一人です。収束の目処が立たないのがツラいですね。何事もそうだと思うのですが、先が見えれば、ある程度我慢できるというものです。今月で終わる、とか、期限がわかるとむしろモチベーションは上がったりします。

現状はその期限の見通しがまったく立っていない・・・これはかなりキツい状況です。不満と不安だけが募ります。私もその一人です。なんとか生きている、という感覚です。不要不急な外出は控えろ、県境を跨ぐ移動は控えろ、去年に続き今年も帰省を控えろと言われている今、気分転換すらままなりません。

かなりメンタルがやられますね・・・。

この夏は個人的にこの状況をどういう心持ちでいたらいいのか、いろいろと模索していました。そして一つの解を得ました。飽くまでも個人的な解です。読者にお勧めするものではありません。

それは、

メンタル、というよりも『心』が丈夫になっている“過程”だ

ということです。

先日夜中に、羽化したばかりの蝉に遭遇しました。抜け殻の上でじっとしていました。体全体は白く、薄く緑がかっていました。羽は透明でとても神秘的でした。羽化したばかりなので、柔らかそうで新鮮さはあるものの逞しさはありません。

それを見てふと思いました。今、自分もこの羽化したばかりの蝉と同じなのかもしれない、と。私の場合、生まれて既に数十年も生きているので、脱皮と言ったほうが正確かもしれませんね。海老や蟹も脱皮したては甲羅は柔らかく最も弱々しい状態です。

今自分は古い心の殻を脱いで、メンタルが弱々しく壊れやすい状態であるのかもしれない、と思ったのでした。蝉は殻を脱いでしばらくはじっとしています。体が整うまでじっとしています。蝉に教えられたように思います。心の殻が整うまでじっとしていようと。そうすれば蝉の丈夫な羽や鎧のような体のように、自分のメンタル、心もさらに丈夫になるだろうと思いました。

強くなる、というより『丈夫になる』と言ったほうがいいですね。強くなるというと、物凄い我慢とか努力が必要だと感じてしまうからです。丈夫になる、というと、そういう我慢とか努力というよりは、目に見えない力に任せることのように感じます。つまり自分の努力とか我慢とは別次元の大きな力に委ねる、という感覚です。

“今を乗り切る”、それだけで精一杯の毎日。そんな毎日だってかなりの努力が必要だし、何もしていないわけではありません。それを続けつつ、後は目に見えない大きな力に任せていこう、そうすればいつの間にか無意識にも、メンタルや心は丈夫になっているだろう、と思うようにしました。

この夏も時々エアコンを切り、夕方に蚊取り線香を焚き、その香りに夏を想っています。そんなノスタルジーに浸りながら、憂鬱な気分を誤魔化しています（笑）

◇

＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞

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