⚠︎：発達障害は先天的な脳の発達の偏りなので、親の躾や環境、また、本人のせいではありません。発達障害をややこしくしているのは、無理解、無知からくる不適切な対応などでさまざまな神経症や精神疾患を併発したことによる二次障害といえます。
メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。
２月になりました。寒さが厳しく、またほとんどの都道府県にまん延防止重点措置が発令されていますが、如何お過ごしでしょうか。
前回からの続きで、親／当事者が発達障害と向き合う【２】として、向き合う上での重要なステップとしての具体例を書こうと思います。
それは、親は【我が子トリセツ】を、本人は【自分トリセツ】を作ることが挙げられます。
私が住む自治体は希望者に対し、特性がある子供を持つ保護者向けに【うるおいファイル】なるものが配布されます。知らない人がほとんどだと思うので、周知不足だと思っていますが・・・。
このうるおいファイル、生育歴から通院服薬歴、集団生活や家庭生活など多岐に渡り細かく記載できる仕様で、私も息子が８歳からチマチマと書き込んでいます。これは我が子トリセツ＆本人が自分トリセツを作成する際の貴重なデータベースとなるのです。
出来ない（苦手）ことがあるのが発達障害（グレー含む）です。出来たほうが本人も周りもラクなのは確かです。ですが、やり方を変えてみる、これぐらいでいいかと望むレベルを少し下げる、協力してもらう、などやれることはあるものです。
究極の面倒くさがりで、早起きしてもなぜかダラダラして毎朝遅刻寸前で飛び出す息子は、“お風呂から上がったら制服の下に着る体操服をパジャマの下に着て寝る”という、自分なりの時短を考えたようです。親としては『？』ですが、自分で考えた末のハックなら仕方ないか、と。
まだまだ改善の余地はありますが、忘れっぽいことを減らすためにスマホのリマインダーを使い、集金袋は玄関扉のノブ部分真上にマグネットで貼る、など工夫しているようです。「もっとこうすればいいのに」と思うこともありますが、不自由を感じ自分で対策を編み出さないと意味がなくダメなので生ぬるく見守っています。つい口を出したくなるところを、生ぬるく見守ることが重要です。
◇
障害を（特性）を認めるとラクになります。苦手だからこそ「どうすればできるか／ラクできるか／効率良いか」を考えられます。苦手なことを正攻法だけでやらせようとすると親はイライラ、子供反発→衝突します。このあたりは一般的なことかもしれませんね。
頂上を目指す登山で考えてみましょう。頂きは一つでもいろんなルートがありますよね。私の考える頂上（目標）は、息子が社会的に自立生活できることです。
Ａという険しいルートが最短でＡを選択する人が大多数だとしても、Ｂという多少なだらかで時間がかかるルートや、Ｃというさらになだらかで手摺もあるが時間はもっとかかるルートもあります。あるいはＤという時間はＣよりも相当かかるけど景色がとても良いルートもあるかもしれません。Ｂが合っているようならＢを選択、Ｃでのんびりが合ってるならＣを選択、その子のペースで。
こう思えるとイライラがなくならないまでも、ほんの少し余裕が生まれるものです。
できないことや苦手なことがあっても、そんなことであなたの価値は変わりません。
頑張っているお母さん、お父さん、頑張っている子供たち。頑張っているすべての人たち。頑張っている自分をもっと認めて褒めてあげてくださいね。
◇
＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞
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