メンタル・イデア・ラボ、ＡＥのスミです。
前回本城が標題のタイトルで人のスキルを搾取することが平気な人たちについて書いていました。今回はその続編として、そういう人はなぜタダでやってもらおうとするのかを考えてみたいと思います。
まず表面的な部分では『友達』というところに甘えがあるのかもしれないと考えました。『友達なんだからいいよね？』という甘え。甘えなのか彼らの中の常識なのか、それはわかりません。
例えば、友達が飲食店をオープンしたとします。身近にそういう友達がいる人は結構いると思います。一度は必ずと言っていいほど顔を出しますよね。その時『タダで飲み食いしよう』『タダで飲み食いさせてくれる』と思って行くでしょうか？店を開いた人が自分の友達がわざわざ時間を割いて顔を出してくれたから、何らかのサービスをしてくれることはあるかもしれません。でもそれを予め当然と思って行くでしょうか。
大概の人は「いや申し訳ないよ、ちゃんと払うよ」になると思います。私も何度かそういうことがありましたが、皆ちゃんと払っていました。むしろご祝儀も兼ねてお釣りはいらないよ、とまで言っていた友達もいました。
一方で本城のような心理士や美容師、医師、ネイリスト、カメラマン、デザイナーなどという人に依頼する時は、『友達』をいいことにタダでやってもらおうとする人がいます。私からすれば、それは友達の悪用にしか見えません。友達に依頼する根底には“信頼できる人”ということがあります。しかし、その信頼を“悪用”している自分に気づいていないのだと思います。
心理士や医師、ネイリスト、美容師、飲食店を開いた料理人もそれぞれのフィールドでプロフェッショナルとして活躍している人たちで、そういう人が友達にいることはとても心強いことです。何かあったら相談したくなる気持ちも理解できます。そして仕事を依頼するとなれば、当然対価を支払うことが道義であり誠意ではないか、と思うのです。
個別には「お前の頼みならタダいいよ」と言ってくれる場合もあるでしょう。しかしそれはあくまでも個別的なことで、大前提は友達であれ依頼する側は対価を支払うことではないでしょうか。クルマの貸し借りでもガソリン代程度は払いませんか？
「お前との関係だろ、水くさいことはいいよ」と言うのは依頼された側で、「水くさいこと言わずにタダで頼むよ」と依頼する側が言ってはいけないし、その友達のスキルや技術を利用しているだけです。
友達を本当に大切に思うなら、きちんと対価を支払うことのほうが人としてまっとうではないでしょうか。
◇
一方、表面的な部分では『友達だからという甘え』に対して、根深い部分では日本人の『美徳』が関係しているかもしれないと考えます。無意識な部分でもあるのでわかりにくいかもしれません。
依頼する側は何かに困っているから、それを解決できる“信頼している”友達を頼るわけですが、「困っている友達からカネを取るのか？」「困っているんだから善意でやってやれよ」という無言の世論とも言うべき日本人の『美徳』というやつが『タダで』という発想を安易に、間違った形で招くのだと思います。
困っている友達からカネを取るのか？・・・多分事情を聞けばその時は取らないことがあるかもしれません。しかし『出世払いでいいよ』とか『カネができた時でいいよ』と言います。冗談かはさておき、言葉の上では『払ってね』であり『タダではないよ』ということです。
『タダではないよ』という言葉の裏にあるのは、思うに困っている友達への最大の敬意ではないかと思うのです。タダを別の言葉で言い換えると『施し』になるのではないでしょうか。『施し』は恵みを与えることです。ちょっと見方を変えれば上から目線の行為です。宗教が施しと言っていいのは、人間が崇め奉り人智を超えた存在である仏様、神様からの恵みだからです。
人が人に施し（タダ）となると、施す相手を非常に愚弄した行為になりかねません。だからこそ『タダではない』のです。タダではないことにする意味は立場を対等に保ち、相手の自尊心も傷つけないある種の知恵だと思うのです。
友達からタダという施しを受けた瞬間、その友達よりあなたの立場は下になり、もう友達関係とは呼べなくなる気がします。
そう考えると、安易に『タダでやってもらおう』とすることは、自分で自分を貶め、友達との関係に上下を作り、友達関係を破壊する愚かな行為と言えます。
そう考えると、本当に『タダ』ほど怖いものはありませんね（笑）
◇
＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞
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