連載：アサーション【２】

メンタル・イデア・ラボの本城ハルです。

世間はお盆休みも終わり、今週は少し疲れた方も多いと思います。

さて、２回目となる今回は、“自分の考えや気持ちを伝えるということ／相手を理解するということ”について説明します。

ご存じのとおり、コミュニケーションは伝え手と受け手がいることで成立します。受け手がいなければただの独り言ですから。

自分の考えや気持ちを言葉（文字）にして、相手に表現（伝える）し、受け取った相手がそれに対して応える（答える）ことで、相手の考えや気持ちを聴いて（読んで）受け止めますよね。

その後、その事柄に関してズレや誤解が生じていないのかを互いに確認し合い、ズレや誤解があるようであれば、それらを小さくしたり無くすための調整を再度コミュニケーションという手段を使って繰り返していきます。

ここで“自分を伝えるということ”で理解しておかなくてはいけない大切なことがあります。

自分が伝えたことは必ずしも相手に正確に伝わるとは限らない。 ←どんなに長く深い付き合いがあったとしても、自分と他者には価値観や認知の違いがあるもの、察してほしいはただの甘え以外の何ものでもありません。 職場であれば、上司、同僚、後輩、取引先と個人的な深い付き合いはないことが多いので、なおさらと思ったほうがよいでしょう。

より正確に伝えるためには、両者の間に生まれる誤解やズレを埋める必要があり何度もコミュニケーションを繰り返し、わかり合おうとするのがコミュニケーションの“本質”。

自分の思い、考え、気持ちを伝えるには“自分の中にある気持ちや考えをなるべく正確に”取り上げ←ここで自己理解も必要になります。感情的にならず正確に伝える努力をし、明確な自己表現をする。

ことです。

同じように、“相手を理解するということ”についても覚えておかなくてはいけない大切なことがあります。

人の数だけ理解の枠組みがあり、同じ体験をしても言葉の意味付けの違いによって感じ方が変わる。

人は十人十色、皆がそれぞれ異なる準拠枠を持っているもので、理解の方法や枠組みは違うもの、準拠枠が異なれば同じ言葉や出来事であっても感じ方や理解の仕方は異なる。

ということです。普段わかっているつもりでも、案外忘れてしまったり、無意識に自分の準拠枠で相手を見てしまう、あるいは当てはめてしまっていることはありませんか。特に会議などオフィシャルな場での発言は案外伝わっていなかったり、メンバーそれぞれの準拠枠で捉えられていることが多々あります。

【個人対個人】であれば伝わりやすいですが、会議など【個人対複数】となると、人によって準拠枠が異なりますからなかなか伝わりづらいものです。

次回は具体的なアサーションスキルについてお話しします。

◇

＜運営会社：Jiyuuku Inc.＞

「連載：アサーション【２】」への177件のフィードバック

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